Thursday, April 21, 2011

Yellow Bird

Do these guys know how freakin' lucky they were?

Yo! Cabbie!

First of all, just tryin' to getta cab here in The Bowels is a huge feat in itself. If ya try to get one by phone, yer lucky if they even answer the damn phone....cuz they NEVER answer if there's no cabs available. When they DO finally answer tho, ya a) can't understand a lick o' what they said cuz most of 'em are from some foreign-ass country or b) yer left waitin' and waitin' for the cab to arrive and most times it just DOESN'T arrive. If ya try to flag one down on the street, yer lucky if they don't either a) pass ya by completely or b) completely 'n literally run yer ass over.

And let's not even start with all the "gypsy cabs" we've got floatin' around here. Those mostly unregulated, mostly unlicensed, mostly non-English-speakin', mostly leavin'-yer-life-in-their-unclean-lil'-hands fly-by-nite so-called cab drivers who can wander around about as aimlessly as most serial killers and who mostly have the same M.O. as most of 'em too. So yeah, if ya REALLY wanna thrill ride, hop in one of THOSE suckers. Ya MAY not hop out.

So imagine ME, jumpin' into a BoH (Bowels of Hell) cab and tellin' 'em I wanna go to California (altho that'll be the day that *I* put out five grand for a fuckin' miserable smelly dirty hot broken-down cab ride). Hey, I'm lucky if they bring me across town for crissake...and that's only a grand total of four square miles! California? They'd probably ask me what the fuck I was smokin'...and then proceed to tell me to pass 'em some (cuz we all know just how much those Jamaican cabbie's LOVE to smoke their ghanga!).

With MY luck, they'd insist on gettin' paid up front (which is some kinda unspoken unwritten cabbie law here in NY) they would mayyyyybe take me as far as the GW Bridge, then they'd pull over 'n tell me to get my fat ass out and WALK the rest of the way. Only, they'd be pullin' that shit on the WRONG damn person.

Cuz that's when I'd have to shank 'em. Just for G.P. That's how WE roll here in The Bowels.

So, that NY-to-CA-cab-ride shit may fly down in the city, but it sure don't fly here in TBoH.

And speakin' of flyin'............ ;-)

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