Friday, August 07, 2009

Skis 4 Sale

There's a lil' crackhead dude I see standin' on the street corner over by the clinic every damn mornin' waitin' for a medical van to come pick him up after he gets juiced. I really dunno much about the guy but the word on the street is he used to be one helluva great 'n well-known chef somewhere here in NY....that is, until the crackpipe got the best of him a few years back.

Anyway, this dude is no taller than midget-me (I say I'm 5' but my smart-ass daughter swears I'm only 4' 10.5") but naturally, with him bein' a crackhead 'n all, he has a lot less weight on his ass than I ever did/will. As a matter of fact, he's soooo damn skinny he looks like he's anorexic, 'n because he IS so damn twigged out he dresses in layer upon layer upon layer like one as well. I ran into this guy every friggin' day over this last Fall 'n Winter and he always had on at least 3 layers of thick heavy garments underneath his outer winter coat.

Now, all that is great 'n dandy......IF the outside temperature warrants it, that is. But when it gets to be 86 degrees outside 'n this guy is STILL dressin' as tho its 10 below with a wind chill of minus 27, well then, even *I* start to sweat just lookin' at him. And wouldn't ya know it but that's exactly how he's been.....even to this very day....this very hot 'n humid disgustin' day 'n on every other hot-assed day we've had this past month or so.

And so began a joke between me 'n a few other methadonians that I run into every mornin' about how the guy dresses 'n looks like he's goin' skiing.....even tho its now summertime. Ha ha ha, yeah, we hadda few good chuckles over it, 'n that shoulda been IT.

Now, it may be said that I'm mean 'n all (but I'm really NOT.....honest injun I'm not), but I just wouldn't EVER have the heart to actually walk past the dude 'n repeat that joke out loud. However, one of the bitches that's on the bus with me every a.m. thinks otherwise....cuz SHE has NO problem barkin' it out while walkin' past him, 'n she's done it to him on a number of occasions. Personally, I think its totally unnecessary 'n a bit over the top, but she's a real asshole......what can I say?

So anyway, this a.m. I'm walkin' outta the clinic towards the corner where Ski Man usually stands, only this mornin' he ain't there. He's nowhere to be friggin' found. Now, it coulda been that I just missed seein' him gettin' into the van cuz I DID take an extraordinary amount of time upstairs today, what with havin' to complete an "incentive survey" 'n havin' to pay those clinic bastards their monthly fee 'n all that kinda crap, so yeah, that's most likely what happened.

But do ya wanna know what I DID see standin' up at that corner?

I saw a pair of brightly colored skis 'n 2 ski poles. I swear to GOD, I kid ya NOT.

Now, I wish I had the sense to snap a pic of those skis with my cell phone (oh surrrrrrre....but I remember to take pics of bloody-shitty-toilet-paper-wadded-up water in a toilet bowl at work!) but to be honest, I think I was just too damn flabbergasted at the time. I mean, seein' that weird shit propped up against the same wall where Ski Man usually stands really floored me! What the fuck? It's 75 fuckin' degrees out here! Did someone "forget" their skis? I highly doubt it.

So I gather up my wits 'n I continue walkin' down the block towards the newspaper store where ALL the crackheads/lowlifes/dopefiends hang out in front of and I see that same bitch that opened up her big mouth in front of Ski Man. I ask her if SHE saw what *I* just saw propped up against the wall but apparently she didn't. She claimed that she walked in the opposite direction this mornin'. I asked her if SHE put the skis there. She says she didn't. But there's only a handful of us who are "in" on this "joke".....4 at the most, I who the hell coulda done it? And the bigger question is: did Ski Man happen to see it, too? Damn, I kinda hope not. There's just no need to kick a man when he's down 'n out....'n THIS guy has been down 'n out for well over a year now, the poor thing.

Well, whoever left those skis there, I gotta admit, it WAS kinda funny.

Fuckin' cruel, but funny.

So, does anybody need some ski equipment? I can getcha a helluva good deal on it.....IF nobody has snatched 'em up yet (which I'll bet didn't even last on THAT street 10 damn minutes).


Punch said...

Ok, MeanDonnaJ, this might be the end of a great friendship, but I'ss gottsta, gottsta, say. (with all due respect)
Maybe it was Billy, funin' with ya. I don't mean he walked in there like a Demi Moore film, but he like got someone to forget about the fuking skies in the middle of summer in Hell NewFuckin'York. I could be wrong.

Baron's Life said...

It sure wasn't me who put up the F...skies there...BTW, you can skie here in BC in the morning and go swiming at the Beach in the afternoon...only place in the world where you could actually do this in the summer...