Cartoon Me

I'm notta cartoon, altho my 25 y.o. daughter 'n her friend apparently think I am. Here's their best artwork of yers truly (captions included), which was mailed to me under false pretenses I might add (the return address was from the infamous Judge Judy....read on):


This one was drawn by my twisted offspring: its me wearin' my favorite t-shirt, cigarette hangin' outta my mouth, pineapple juice close at hand, with a poster of The Almighty Judge Judy behind me (I love that woman....I wanna be just like HER when *I* grow up. I watch her faithfully every day...hence my kids know not to bother me when Judge Judy is on).


Here I am again, only this is her friends rendition. So here I am in all my biker glory: shades on, knife on hip, leather pouch around my waist, givin' the finger to the world, my fringe ridin' leather on, wearin' damn near the same t-shirt (he almost got the wordin' right), and the name of the local deli I patronage on a daily damn basis (I really outta buy stock in that friggin' place) behind me.

But here's the best part: that small blue blackmail note ya see on the right? That was included with both pics. Oh yes, me with my millions (at least they didn't get greedy....they only asked for thousands) is supposed to fork over a large sum of money to two lunatics who have nuthin' better to do with their time but to sit in diners late at night concoctin' up all kinda ways they can torture me.

Yeah, that'll happen.

I'd rather die and come back as a cartoon.