Saturday, August 01, 2009

Blow Me

Because of the fact that I was ONLY runnin' 2 air conditioners, 1 computer, 2 t.v.'s and the vacuum cleaner, I blew another freakin' fuse today....which meant I hadda go back down into the black-hole-of-a-basement where the landlady's sister (that useless once-homeless alcoholic bitch witch) 'n her 17 cats live (in one tiny room, mind u) 'n flip that circuit breaker sucker back on again. This is the second time in two weeks that I've blown a fuse while cleanin' in this dreadful humid heat.

Fuckin' shithole-of-an-ass-backward-wired-house that I live in.

Now, that puckered-up-drunken-alkie's newest protocol of a procedure is that ya've gotta knock on the basement door before ya can go down there, so knock I did.

In all honesty, it was more like I banged...'n banged.....'n banged again....on that damn door just so I could wake her outta her alcohol-induced coma.

It worked.

How I wish Quazimoto-in-the-Basement still lived down there. He's the landlady's semi-useless alcoholic brother....but at least HE was good-for-somethin' cuz he could at least fix things around here. That 'n he never bothered me. EVER. And I used to have to go down there three times a week to wash my clothes.

I just can't stomach the cockeyed good-for-nuthin' bitch who lives down there now. Once Quazi moved out 'n that thing moved in, I was determined to buy my OWN washin' machine....and I DID. 'Twas the best investment I ever made.

Anyway, so I bang again, I open up the basement door 'n I yell down the stairs that I blew a fuse so I'm comin' down. I hear a "sooooooo, come ON!" yell back up at me. Pleasant bitch. I go downstairs 'n immediately I can hear that garbled drunken voice talkin' to someone on the phone. That's ALL she does all day long.....besides drink cases of beer, that is. She'll talk on her sister's telephone 'n ring up hundreds o' dollars worth o' monthly bills. Ain't she just a GRAND ol' sister to have around?

Personally, if she were MY sister, I woulda left her rotten stinkin' useless alcoholic homeless ass in the street.

I go down into the black hole (grimacin' the entire time that I'm down there cuz the stench of multiple cats reaks down there) 'n I can hear Useless Sis mumblin' somethin' to me about how I can't keep comin' down there cuz she may be doin' this or she may be doin' that or she may have a guy in her bed (in yer dreams, bitch!) or she may be yadda yadda yadda yeah right. I simply ignore the bitch, as I feel myself startin' to gag from the sound of her voice. I quickly open up the box to locate the blown breaker. There it is. I flip that sucker once, twice, then BINGO! Yep, we're back in business.

So back up the stairs I go, makin' sure to give the basement door a good ol' SLAM on my way back up to the second floor.....but not before I make sure to address that useless piece of drunken shit in the basement with a nice loud....

"blow me, bitch".


Punch said...

MeanDonna... you might not be in a place to recieve help, yet I will venture into the DMZ. Most wiring diagrams put the A/C units on their own circuits, my guess is the fuse blew when you turned on the vacumn. They pull juice like hell. Well maybe like the wino in the celler. If all the appliances you mentioned go down at once, damn girl, you're lucky the place has not burned down. How 'bout this, take the wino a beer next time. Bet she'll jump up anytime you bang on the door.
I have not been here before, I'm just lookin' 'round on sunday afternoon.
I wish you luck with the heat.

jadedj said...

MeanDonna, yep, those old places, especially the ones with shithead old sisters living in the basement, were pre-electronic age. I haven't been there, but I'll bet a six-pack, that the whole place isn't more than 100 amps, tops.

Also, I'm thinking Punch has a good idea...if...if, you can stand being friendly with the hag. In fact this has possibilities...give her a six-pack, or two quarts... which is cheaper...get her squashed, and tell her your landlady sent you down to plug into one of HER outlets (the hags)...and run the power extension you brought with you, upstairs. This is assuming there is a separate circuit down there. Enjoy.

Hey, like your style. I'll be back.

Rob said...

The lady in the basement reminds me of my X Girl Friend. Maybe I dated her? It makes me sad to think about the great girls who got away.