Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Shop 'til I drop

My boss has the uncanny ability to send me out on the most absurd 'n unusual shopping excursions one could ever imagine, and today was certainly no different. As soon as I hear the words "do ya feel like takin' a walk?" come outta his mouth I know I'm in for some trouble....along with a whole lotta achin' feet 'n some additional wearin' out to the already worn out soles o' my boots to boot. I normally end up goin' from shoddy store to even shoddier store in search of items that nobody in The Bowels of Hell would ever dream of, nonetheless actually wanna buy. Sometimes I think The Boss forgets precisely where our office is located...cuz its a helluva long way from the upscale wealthy town that he resides in.

Throughout the seven years I've been employed by this wonderful man I can remember a bunch of peculiarly oddballed requests that came from him, but the one that comes to mind most often was cuz one afternoon he was in the mood for some nuts. But he wasn't lookin' for just ANY kinda nuts. It hadda be almonds. And not just ANY almonds. It hadda be shelled almonds. But not just any kinda shelled almonds. They hadda be shelled 'n sliced almonds. But not just any type o' shelled 'n sliced almonds. They hadda be shelled almonds which are sliced on the diagonal. But not just any kinda shelled 'n diagonally sliced almonds. Now, I can't remember ALL the vivid details but these shelled 'n diagonally sliced almonds hadda come from the far western end of the city closest to Timbuktu but which were picked only by females wearin' the color yellow on the third Tuesday of the month.....or some stupid kinda shit like that. Get my drift? For as much as I love 'n respect the guy, he CAN make ya crazy at times. Thank God he doesn't always get THAT particular with his requests. Most of the time, anyway.

So today's request was for a particular type of drink. Gatorade to be exact. But not just ANY kinda Gatorade mind you. It hadda be one certain kinda Gatorade, but unlike the previous one I bought him from our local Foodtown supermarket (which mostly caters to the palates of only Jamaicans, Mexicans 'n Brazilians...we American white folk are waaaay outta our league in that place). Anyway, today's Gatorade hadda be the green kinda Gatorade. But not JUST any green Gatorade....and not just the green lime flavored Gatorade. It hadda be the green lemon-lime flavor. But not JUST the green lemon-lime Gatorade. It hadda be the CLOUDY green lemon-lime Gatorade. NOT the clear lemon-lime Gatorade. Nope, he didn't want THAT one. He wanted only the CLOUDY green lemon-lime Gatorade....whatever the hell THAT is.

DO YA KNOW WHAT I HADDA GO THRU TO FIND THIS RIDICULOUS REQUEST? Well, exactly four stores later 'n a whole lotta strange looks from all the store clerks I asked along the way with waaay too much aggravation on top of it all, I finally located it. I located THE cloudy green lemon-lime Gatorade that The Boss wanted.

Mission accomplished! For today, that is. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Anyone up for some strawberry yogurt that was made with the milk from the 13th cow on the milking line that had just 4 white spots on it and a brown birthmark on its second teat with strawberries that were grown in the southeast portion of the lower half of New York State which were picked on the 7th of the month which can only be a Wednesday by a fair maiden who never married and who came to the United States from Italy on a boat which had only 22 life vests and was oared by 4 men?


The Peach Tart said...

This was your funniest post ever. Your boss is a tool. Maybe a nice tool but a tool nonetheless.

WooleyBugger said...

Seven years is a long time to be a Hangaround. lol

biker baby said...

I had a boss that had me do his shopping every week. He was 560 lbs and couldn't walk very far. I would have to make 2 or 3 trips to the liquor store a week too. He went through a large bottle of Vodka every other day. He was finally hospitalized to loose weight.

Crusty said...

Are you sure your boss don't buy his parts from me????? Sounds like some of the DUMB ASS requests i get! Like "smokeless 2 stroke oil" or "i wanna buy a new powerband" and oh..."do i sell flat proof inner tubes?"-Crusty